end.

i remember when i thought my world was ending.

had ended.

my body shed water until it ached.

until my heart burned.

when his life ended.

i thought mine had ended too.

to want nothing more than to be a final moment

in time

to walk over the edge of life

to run into eternity without looking back

is where i existed.

is where my feet treaded comfortably

and where i longed to be wholeheartedly.

to be a part of all the leavings and stories and

endings.

to be the end of me

is where i thought i wanted to be.

but as i look back, walking somewhere on the other

side of that wanting

there's a knowing that i didn't want to be the end of

me

i wanted what losing you was doing to me, to leave.

i wanted the reality of loss, to end.